Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Plan Was.... stick to the plan! The Walmart plan that is. Yep. I did it again yesterday. I went to Walmart, and here is how it went down (imagine the theme song to "Mission Impossible" while reading) and I will warn you now, it is a long story...

Time: 5:30am, Saturday morning, I shot straight up in bed and said out loud, "I'm going to Walmart to get a Cricut". I had a couple of cups of Java and then got ready. On the way over there, (it is about a 20 minute drive), I reviewed the plan in my mind. For those of you thinking..."wow, she makes a really big deal out of going to Walmart"... you are right. I do. I completely l-0-a-t-h going to Walmart!

Where was I? Oh yeah, I drove into town, and BAM! obstacle number one - a farmers market in the church parking lot. keep driving, keep driving, not part of the plan.... I continued on. I pulled into the parking lot, and as planned, I parked very, very, far away. Why? Because when I come out to leave, and the parking lot has become a crowded mess, I won't have anybody pressuring me to hurry up by rudely honking their horn and sitting behind me with their blinker on so that I will leave my nice up-close spot sooner. I will have time to open my soda, open my gum, find the radio station that I want to listen to, put some chapstick on, see how much cash I have for any other stops on the way home, etc, and etc.

Where was I? Oh yeah, I get out of the car and head on inside. The plan is to 1) grab a cart (working wheels or not), 2) take a right and cut through the clothing department, 3) skip across an aisle and cut through electronics, 4) RUN across another aisle and cut across the hunting/fishing mess, 5) make myself temporarily blind and sprint to the dismal craft department. BAM! Vaseline Advanced Healing Lotion-30% free! BAM! Breakthrough technology in colorstay lipstick! BAM! DVD's 2/$10.00! BAM! Candles..pretty smelly Candles! I suck at Walmart! The trick to Walmart is to stay away from the main aisles! That is where they suck you in, and make you pay.

So, after an hour or so, I make it back to the craft department to find the Cricuts. Oh they have 'em all right. They have them all wrapped up in cord, with an alarm on it, and is ticking with a flashy little light. I mean seriously, It's a big butt box. How in the WORLD would you even begin to think about stealing it! So I heave it into the cart, throw in a spatula (because they say you need a spatula), and try to scope out the cartridges. TRY. They are hanging on those long peg things, and they are locked on there somehow. You can't get them off of there to look at the backs of the boxes to see what the biz is all about. So after some impressive Yoga style moves, I was able to twist my head around and check the backs out, and picked out the one that I wanted to buy. Off to the fabric cutting table to ring the bell, as I have not seen a worker since I set foot into the store! The tween that responded to the bell, had no idea how to get the cartridges off of the wall. She said that she would go get the camera lady, she might know. In the meantime, a couple of scruffy looking worker guys (I believe from automotives) came to check the situation out. They stood there contemplating all of the possibilities. Eventually the photo lady arrived. She held in her hand, this thingy. Apparently the thing that would free the cartridge, and let me be on my way. "This one, right here" I said. Did she jump into action? NO! Her, automotive dudes, and tween began discussing what the cartridges are for, and why they were under lock and key. Then they began pointing out other things that were nearby that were more expensive and were NOT under lock and key! "This one, right here" I said again. Two seconds. No lie, that is how long it took photo lady to release me from the hell that lies in the craft aisle at Walmart!

Away I went. I had wanted to get something else, but at that point, I couldn't remember what it was! I was heading to the checkout and BAM! I smell food! I went over and checked out the hot food counter, and it looked good (saucy chicken things) but it was only 8:30 in the morning. I skipped it. I had to get out of there! BAM! Country Sampler, Get Set for Fall edition!

Back to the checkout. And when I say checkout, I mean the one and only checkout out of what, like 20 that was open. A Harley Davidson couple was in front of me. Buying roughly a 1/2 dozen cases, of each liquid, sold by the case, that Walmart has to offer. In the speedy lane, or whatever it's called...the 6 items or less lane. Wait. Wait. Price check on a case of water. Wait. OOh, my turn. Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep. I'm done. Heading for the finish line..... "Please stop, and return to the store. You have stolen something. You are a criminal". Okay, the alarm thing may not say that, actually I have no idea what it was saying, but I knew that it was saying it to me. Greeter lady meandered over, and by the time she got there, I had the cartridge out. As she approached, I said "it's either this (pointing to the Cricut), or this (jabbing the cartridge at her)". At this point, I would make a long story short....but if you are still reading this, I'm guessing trying to shorten this now will not make one bit of difference!

Where was I? Oh yeah. She shuffled over to the wall and picked up this scanner type of gun. I'm guessing to demagnetize whatever set the alarm off. She waved it over the bar code on the Cricut, then waved it over the bar code on the cartridge. Each time, saying it's not that. I asked her if she needed my receipt. Okay, she said. (WTH!, Wouldn't you have asked me that immediately if you were "head security" at WalFART!) So I gave it to her. She looked it over. And she pointed to the figure that represents last weeks paycheck and said is that for this thing? Yes, that is the big electronic gadget that is taking up the whole inside of the cart. And this (pointing to the $60.00 that was listed next to the cartridge)? I waved the cartridge in her face again. Then, she opened my bag, took out the $2.00 stickers that I had bought, and waved the magic wand over it. I kid you not. She looked at me and said that she didn't know what was going on, but I could go ahead and leave. "Are you sure, I don't want this thing to be broke or something and me try to return it, and not be able to because the stupid alarm goes off! Write it down! Write these two things down, on your clipboard". I told her. I told her good! She wrote it down. And I left. Two blocks later, I remembered: Tamales. I wanted to get some Tamales. Crap.

I have no little crafty thing to show yet, because I spent the whole day and night cutting stuff out! I haven't assembled anything yet, because I love cutting the stuff out! I'm happy that I got it. I'm pretty sure that I will have alot of fun with it!


Queenie Jeannie said...

Lucky duck!! My neighbor has one and it's pretty fantastic. I really only do cards though so I'm sticking with my Slice cutter. The cartridges are alot cheaper too, lol!


Queenie Jeannie said...

Oh and I HATE, HATE, HATE Walmart too!! I refuse to show my receipt unless the alarm goes off and it always ticks 'em off. Is it my fault they don't have bags big enough to fit everything? No! So too bad, so sad!

Catherine Holman said...

Cassie you are so funny! I'm glad you made it out alive.
Cathie said...

I've seen the magic that cricuts can do, you'll be glad you went through that to get it! Have fun.